Its 3:12 am, i got to study, i got to sleep, i got to wake up early, i got to survive tomorrow and i got to go to bed. So many things to do, just one stupid soul going through shit 😦 . Am i cribbing? yeah definitely i am, don’t you think so? Why, why, why ? Whats that music at the back? ….

कहाँ से तू आती है कहाँ को तू जाती है

सपनों को सजाती है अपनों को ले जाती है

बाघों में जब बहती है कानों में कुछ कहती है

आती है नज़र नहीं साँसों में पर रहती है

हवा है पवन है वायु है, पुरवाई है

जीवन है,जान है,या परछाई है

लेने आई है या कुछ मेरे लायी लायी है

पूछूंगा में क्या तुझसे कहाँ से तू आई है….

खट खट कोई नहीं ऐसा एक झोंका है

कुछ है,सच है,या तू एक धोका है!! तू कौन है,तू कौन है …

Why did i put that in here, beats are awesome, meaning is confusing and voice is mysterious. Oh, why am i cribbing? Just i think i have had enough trying to be a wise man. Why just i can be messy and happy all at the same time, my messiness gives me a guilty feeling, why am i blessed with this intelligent brain. How do i asses right from wrong? What do i do? Where do i find,  for what i am made? I guess nobody knows.

We still travel, we still fight to survive, we still get angry, we are desperate to be happy, we still want to get accepted and we still want to get loved. Is the notion that “every thing happens for good” really logical (Oh!! what is logic?) or this just stamps our helplessness.

Should i bother about making money? should i be chasing it or live the way i want to and make the money follow me. What if i don’t even earn a single penny in this life. Would i be a waste, a blot on my family. Why do i have to take responsibilities. I so wish, i get out of this mess, cause i know with time its only going to get deeper and messier. I know all the right things (wise man huh!!) the thing is that i wont do those things. Am i just plain, simple LAZY?

Was today a real bad day? Or am i now making tomorrow a bad day? I know this anger and depression will subside but i know it’ll knock back and i’ll crib again. Am i dying a slow death everyday? Is everybody dying a slow death?

What is wrong? Why am i correcting grammatical errors? What am i proving? Yeah i still remember those days, I was striving hard for someone, i was very jealous and insecure at that time, yeah i do remember…every bit of it, her every smile, her every wish, her every call, was she really the way i saw her? Or was i completely and totally fooled? but by whom? By her?

How did things went wrong? Why did she went away? Why does it hurt? Why am i reacting? Was she really that important?

ये सच है चाहत पे कभी किसी का भी जोर नहीं

दिलबर की यादों को बांधे ऐसी कोई डोर नहीं…..

इक पल जो मिल जाए फिर वो चला जाए दूर कहीं

दुनिया में इस दिल के जैसा कोई मजबूर नहीं….

मेरे खुदा मुझे इतना बता

क्या ऐसा भी होता है प्यार…

Oh this cause the track changed and yeah this one is equally mysterious.  So what is love?

Questions a galore and we always try to sleep over them. May be i should postpone my cribbing. Yeah tomorrow would be different? This thoughts will disappear, only to pop up back some time later.  When are these questions going to be answered? Should i even bother to dig for them? Or let them kill me slowly. Should i stop? Am i done for the night? 4:19 am tomorrow is awaiting me…is it going to be a new start…yeah i have to get back in my robes of a sensible/wise man.  I got to be STRONGER.